{"id":54861,"date":"2025-09-20T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-09-20T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/?p=54861"},"modified":"2025-09-19T20:39:05","modified_gmt":"2025-09-19T19:39:05","slug":"back-to-the-future","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/?p=54861","title":{"rendered":"Back to the Future"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Black<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Fibre optic internet is arriving in Leipzig. The city\u2019s about to join the Modern World.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s actually been arriving for months, metre by metre, slowly threading its way beneath the districts as part of a nationwide effort to transition the country to the post-fax era. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I decide it\u2019s time to join the future, too, and am pleasantly surprised to find I can do it all from the comfort of my web browser. When I log in to my provider\u2019s site, I\u2019m greeted with a special offer: nine months of reduced price fibre optic internet running six times faster than my current copper wiring. Expires in two days \u2014 what great timing! <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I fill out the form, press send and get a text a minute later saying \u2018Welcome to a new, exciting world.\u2019 I get another shortly afterwards saying \u2018Hm, it appears there\u2019s already a connection at your address. Please contact us as soon as possible.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know there\u2019s already a connection here. It\u2019s mine. It\u2019s the one I want to upgrade to the swanky goodness of yestermorrow. Fine, I\u2019ll just give them a quick call and explain. Five minutes, tops.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m greeted by Aura, the helpful AI, who\u2019ll do everything she can to assist me, just as soon as I give her my account number. I do. We move on. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Please tell me your secret customer number.\u2019 <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018My what?\u2019 <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018I\u2019m sorry, that doesn\u2019t match our records. Please tell me your secret customer number. If you\u2019re having trouble speaking, you can also enter the number using your phone\u2019s keypad.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve no idea what my secret number is. I tell her this. She helpfully replies that, if I\u2019ve been so remiss as to lose those precious 4 digits, I can simply look it up within my account online. Great! I hang up and find the right page, click on the link, and get an \u2018Oops\u2019 message. They\u2019re very sorry, they can\u2019t retrieve the number right now for \u2018technical reasons\u2019, but refreshing the page or coming back later should solve the issue. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do both. Neither works. I go and have lunch, giving them a little more time to fix things. When I try again, nothing\u2019s changed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, there must be a way to request a new one. I browse the FAQ, find a link, and click it. I\u2019m told a new number has been generated and will be sent to me by post, arriving in 1-3 business days.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tomorrow\u2019s the weekend. It\u2019ll arrive after the offer\u2019s expired. But I\u2019ve placed an upgrade order; they\u2019ll honour that date, won\u2019t they?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I make a cup of coffee and get on with some editing, having lost a good hour to Aura and friends. I keep an eye on the post box.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Five days later my code arrives. I give Aura a call. Account number: tick. Secret customer number: tick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018What can I help you with today?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think about how best to word this. Keep it short, succinct. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018You contacted me requesting more information.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a pause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Hm. I\u2019m not sure I understood that. Please tell me again how I can help you.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I try not to sigh in case that counts as a search term.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

`I recently ordered a fibre optic internet connection and was told that you require more information from me.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018You wish to place an order? I can help you with that. Would you like me to\u2014\u2018<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I hang up. I stand up. I go for a little walk around the flat. I come back and try again. Aura\u2019s very helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018You just called us, didn\u2019t you? I\u2019m sorry, it seems we were cut off. Would you like me to connect you to our sales team?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018No.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Okay. Is there anything else I can help you with?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Problem.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Are you experiencing an issue with your internet connection, or is there a billing issue?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Problem.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n[Pause] \u2018Hm, I\u2019m not sure I can help you with that. Would you like me to connect you to one of our customer service staff?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Yes.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2018Okay. Someone will be with you in \u2026 three minutes. Please stay on the line.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nineties pop music is piped in while I wait. Amazingly, someone does pick up in around three minutes. I\u2019m so happy to hear a human voice that it takes me a moment or two to realise quite how bad their German is. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We talk (slowly). We sort. We hang up amicably. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m now on the waiting list to join the Digital Revolution. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometime between now and November. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fibre optic internet is arriving in Leipzig. The city\u2019s about to join the Modern World.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":54860,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[213,8],"tags":[277,161,209,278],"class_list":{"0":"post-54861","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-cf","8":"category-tech","9":"tag-fibre-optic","10":"tag-internet","11":"tag-leipzig","12":"tag-technology"},"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54861","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=54861"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54861\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":54862,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54861\/revisions\/54862"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/54860"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=54861"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=54861"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=54861"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}