{"id":54939,"date":"2025-12-13T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2025-12-13T07:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/?p=54939"},"modified":"2025-12-12T20:18:08","modified_gmt":"2025-12-12T19:18:08","slug":"ten-ways-to-escape-the-festive-madness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/?p=54939","title":{"rendered":"Ten Ways to Escape the Festive Madness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"Image<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Some things creep up on you without you noticing: crows feet, dried apricots(*), JWs. Christmas should not be one of those things. It\u2019s big, it\u2019s shiny, it\u2019s loud. It starts in October. Yet here it is, the day before the week before the year ticks over, and I didn\u2019t see it coming. There are many possible reasons for this, but the culprit, I think, is denial. Christmas is not so much about unwrapping things as wrapping them up. Projects are suppose to be done. They\u2019re still not. But I\u2019ve ten days left, more or less, so no reason to panic just yet. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTen\u201d puts me in mind of a listicle, the go-to for attention-poor readers. So here are ten things that will genuinely help you out of any rut you\u2019re in: any emotional difficulty, crisis of faith, or existential angst. As a mark of my sincerity, I\u2019ve taken them from a trusted source: Random Word Generator<\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s begin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Advocate<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This one\u2019s quite seasonal. It\u2019s a professional in the field of law. In the UK, that might be a solicitor or barrister (the \u201cbarnets and boarding school\u201d brigade). The dutch word is \u201cAdvocaat\u201d, which in turn is my word for sweet eggy heaven. Eggnog. See? The implicit mention of Christmas (\u201cseasonal\u201d) and explicit mention of the birthday boy\u2019s gaff (\u201cheaven\u201d). We\u2019re off to a good start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) Season<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hm, a random words curveball(**) here. This isn\u2019t a reference to the festive season, or indeed anything meteorological, but seasoning<\/i>. Yes, the magic you do to that nice dish of food to make it slide down extra well. Also, Cicero (quoting Socrates): \u201cCibi condimentium essa famem\u201d — The best seasoning for food is hunger. (He\u2019s not wrong, but I draw the line at Curry Wurst \u2014 I\u2019d rather starve.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) Presence<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My best mate from way back when\u2019s dad used to always make this Star Wars themed joke in December: \u201cLuke, I know what you\u2019re getting for Christmas. I\u2019ve felt your presence.\u201d Ah, still brings a smile to my face \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4) Nap<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The fastest, most bestest way out of many crises of the mind: go have a lie down. Also, a more dramatic solution for dealing with persistent irritants: a dirt nap.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5) Module<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether glued onto the International Space Station or slid into a science GCSE, a module is a little packet of standardised goodness that fits into something more needy. The manger was a module for the stable. The baby Jesus, a module for the straw. And of course, a module for us all(***). <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

6) Rear<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A place you enter if you\u2019re either well known or shady. Also, a thing you do to animals to make them big. Doesn\u2019t work on children, for whom rear is an area that attracts a hand or slipper if they\u2019re misbehaving. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

7) Ride<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A classic Old English word brought over by the Saxons during the Migration Period of c.300-600 CE. During those hirsute days, many a marauder would brag and say, \u201cD\u2019you fancy a little ride on my boat?\u201d Oh, how they loved the water. Things came to a head with the invention of salted fish. One well-provision day, a fleet set off for a jolly jaunt and followed the sun till they bumped into Britain. The rest, as the Romans say, is history.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8) Ambition<\/p>\n\n\n\n

See \u201cRide\u201d, above. No one crosses the North Sea on an open boat unless they really<\/i> want to. See also \u201cAdvocate,\u201d in the sense of alcohol. Ambition oft begins on a bench in a tavern.  <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

9) Inch<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bane of Europeans, who often ask me Why?!<\/i>\u201d Somewhat ironically, it comes from the Latin uncia<\/i> (twelfth part). That\u2019s right, it\u2019s from the continent. A classic case of Nothing to do with me, mate<\/i> if ever there was one. Also exchangeable for miles on a one-to-one basis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10) Buy<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, now we\u2019ve arrived at the heart of Christmas. Nothing brings people together like tat and a cash register. But let\u2019s not be cynical. The deeper meaning of \u201cbuy\u201d at this time of year is the sense of \u201cprocure the loyalty and support of,\u201d as in \u201cfollow me and live forever.\u201d Remember kids: gods are for life, not just for Christmas.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(*) The craving for, not the fruit itself. Unless you live in the world of Animate Fruit, in which case, tell the cherimoya I\u2019m not going back (you know the one). <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(**) A French term derived from the game of Boules, original written \u201ccuv\u00e9e boule\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(***) I\u2019m a Registered Atheist\u2122. Your views, like mine, may vary.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some things creep up on you without you noticing: crows feet, dried apricots(*), JWs. Christmas should not be one of those things. It\u2019s big, it\u2019s shiny, it\u2019s loud. It starts in October. Yet here it is.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":54938,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[213],"tags":[300,214,209,299,298],"class_list":{"0":"post-54939","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","5":"has-post-thumbnail","7":"category-cf","8":"tag-christmas","9":"tag-city-fables","10":"tag-leipzig","11":"tag-listicle","12":"tag-street-art"},"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54939","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=54939"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54939\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":54940,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54939\/revisions\/54940"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/54938"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=54939"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=54939"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/urbanmole.is\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=54939"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}